thx to ppl hu encourage mi and console mi...but i really dun tink i can cheer up if i continue to struggle in poly like this...poly is seriously nt the place for mi...

week 7 has passed...i feelin i m driftin away frm my classmates or rather i m avoidin them...anyting can happen in my class...classmates r ezly offended...n conflicts between some ppl...backstabbin oso sumtime occurs(experience frm last sem)...there's really no one u can trust...n all of a sudden...height juz bcome a issue to mi...n i hate it when my classmate say that i m a nerd cause i do my hw n is able to ans the lecturer qn in class...worse still...once a guy in my class say i have a nerd face n say i shld admit tat i m a nerd n juz b a nerd instead of denyin it...

tot i could cope at 1st...but after my gpa came out...i knew i cant reach uni de...if my parents have really respected my decision, i tink i would b much btr off nw...my mum was so influenced by my aunts' words regardin my decision of choosin my choice of tertiary education...nw i cant even complain...they juz blame mi sayin that my current course is my 1st choice...n i hav no rights to complain...do all the choices i made matter when the onli choice i wanted can onli stay in my heart?

my aunts bought my sis a ex n good lappy...while my dad onli sponsor mi a cheap n lousy lappy that's givin mi headache...n my mum is allowin my sis to go NAFA after she graduate frm poly...life is so unfair...

this sem oso nt a very good sem bcoz my ah gong hav been hospitalised for the 3rd times...today juz went to visit him...can c that he is happy to c mi coz he havent seen for very long liao...bcoz of my aunts...i refuse to have dinner wif my family at my aunts' hse everydae so he dun get to c mi...coz my aunts r sure to find fault wif mi everytime i go there...abit guilty liao...n nw my aunts juz out of blue tell us nt to trouble my mum to buy tings for us coz she has to take care of ah gong...but in the 1st place they r the lazy ones la...i n my sis always bought our tings ourselves...but my aunts r like even toilet papers oso trouble us to buy for them...seein my ah gong really make mi feel very xin suan n guilty...haiz...hope he will still b around next reunion dinner...at least that is when he can c mi...

its a long post...but at least i feel btr nw...at least i will feel btr n comfortable for next week mst...gd luck all my sec. frens in SP for ur mst...dun intend to wish myself coz i noe luck will nt help mi pull through this time round... 1:09 AM

6:14 AM

frm pri sch til nw...height was nv a issue to height to mi...but ytd morning when i walked pass my sch de mac to go for my class...some bastards juz shout out that i look like pri sch kid la...after sayin that...they still go on laughin at mi wif their frens sittin wif them...is like wth...so wat if i m short...haiz

after sch...stayed back in sch lib to study wif classmates until 4plus, bus ride home seems to get slower n slower each day...or is it juz mi? dunno la...

reports still nt even 1/2 way through...test starts in less than 1 week time....so rush...haiz...goin to get sick soon liao...haiz haiz haiz................................... 5:59 AM

http://goldinuniverse.com/

yea try this...quite accurate to mi

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.
For some time now you have been feeling rather insecure. You are looking for - and needing - an environment that can offer you roots, stability and a position that will relieve you of excess tension and stress.

It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.

You are experiencing extreme frustration at this point of time, trying to achieve security and peace of mind, but whatever you seem to do doesn't effect the situation. You are worn out and your energy is being seriously depleted. You may be experiencing what is known as 'heartache' - both mentally and physically. You are a listener and you listen and respond to everything that is going on around you. You feel that all that life has to offer should be within your grasp and you would like to participate in every part of it but the situation is such that every door seems to be closed to you. You just can't understand why that is. But it is - and what's more you feel powerless to change it.

You are completely worn out - physically and mentally - and it has got to the stage where 'you don't want to participate anymore'. You are in fact experiencing what is known as 'burnout' and your reaction is such that you feel that everyone is against you yet you still seem to refuse to listen to reason. You are hostile, bitter and indignant. You insist that you want and are entitled to your own way - well maybe you are, but your attitude is not conducive to making friends. Take it easy. Let go and get back into the World. 1:39 AM

nth really happen...xcept for a little coincidence...was sharin pizza wif my frens then she walk by...n sat down on the place next to my table...i was like lookin while tryin to carry my bag...lol sumting stupid happen...my bag dropped n dunno y i started laughin x.x...then when i turned around, she said 'hi'...although its a simple word but it really brighten my day...haha 1:22 AM

week 7 officially started today n tests r startin officially next week...ok nvm hu really cares...slpt at 4am n wake up at 5.30am to cook breakfast...sumting very blur happen

i decided to prepare 2 sets scramble eggs with bacon since my sis wanted so i might as well make one for myself...i happily mix the milk n the eggs tgt then after cookin one set went to prepare another set....after addin the milk into the eggs for the 2nd set then i suddenly realise i forgt to check the expiry date of the milk...GG! the milk expired 4 days ago....haiz so eventually no breakfast again....lol

went to bus stop to take bus go sch...meet desmond at the bus stop so went sch tgt xcept that he alight at NP...thought i was late for class in the end i was the 1st to reach again...super sian went to sit at a bench...lookin at the sky... very beautiful sky...then 10min ltr...classmates n lecturers arrive so went into the lab to prepare for prac

prac was still ok i guess...at least for today...overall datasht onli deduct 1 mark....so abit happy

after sch...decide to take 166 frm sch to vivo city...bad luck sia...the bus broke down after travellin for 1 bus stop onli x.x summore i waited for the bus for like 10mins sia...have been down on luck lately...then gt one auntie go confront the bus driver say wat wastin her time...how to compensate for their wasted time...so kuku...as if the bus driver purposely chase her out of bus like that...

MST comin lecturer still give so much hw...haiz...guess shall go for a shower then do hw liao...cya 11:00 PM

today had my CRS so-called test...which i tink i'm goin to fail...was abit devastated...ltr went for digital photography de lecture which was supposed to end in 2hrs time but the lecture finish the lecture in 45mins! so went home early...bus ride was fine coz alot of seats...but again chose my favourite seat - the corner at the far back of the 2nd lvl...then fell aslp....

reached home ard 3.30pm...then shi heng invited mi to join him, wen fa, yongshun, fuhui n yao jie for steamboat dinner at novena de CHIN HUAT Steamboat...but i was late bcoz missed one bus...so reach there nid to wait quite awhile...very guilty coz partially my fault....in the end fuhui dun wan wait then ps us....

overall food was ok...but dun tink will go back anymore...then took 143 to toa payoh tgt then change to 88 to go home...

week 6 is officially over...tings r startin to get worse in many ways...n tests r comin but hvn even touch my stupid lecture notes yet...haiz GG liao...this sem dunno how to survive...all modules oso noe abit here n there onli...haiz

i m startin to feel really screwed liao! 2:36 AM

lol...today finally have the APCHEM de test...stupid lecturer onli give 30min then all the questions nid to do calculations de...damn lost 4 marks...hvn even saw the qn then time up liao...somemore those qns the lecturer oso nv teach b4...after the test everyone was like all traumatised liao...alot ppl is expectin a retest lol...it seems like chemistry is a curse to mi...any subject or module related to chemistry...the paper i cant finish de...lol...the paper is totally GG liao haiz...

anw...saw one of my sec frens, zhi qiang, at orchard last fri then we chatted n he bought his book, psycology de...look chim chim de lol...

week 6 of sem is endin erm feelin life in poly is worsen each day i go to sch...i m like leadin the life of either u 'kill' or kana 'kill'...lol....relationship among ppl in class is like changin everyday...gossip r oso flyin ard the cls...

n yea i changed to bus concession le...so far still ok...haha everyday go sch n go home alone...but i really feel better when takin long trip alone...lol

bz weeks ahead...so yea go do work le.... 10:07 PM

juz chiong finish my digital photography assignment like less than 2 hrs ago lol...today was weird coz no nid to go sch...although i really hate sch but after goin to sch for so long then suddenly break is like weird weird de leh...

5 weeks has officially passed for year 1 sem 2...n everyting is still the same....tests n reports r comin...no time to rest sia...shall enjoy while i still can today...mayb start work ltr at night or tmr mornin

ytd went to vivo city for dinner...the secret receipe black forest cake is very nice...and saw the doraemon soft toy...nt the usual blue colour de...is sumting like golden brown....very cute but 1 set is ard $51 x.x so still considerin whether buyin anot...but i gt the smaller version frm comic connection 2 weeks ago...shall post the pic next time....

goin to take a break frm com...bb^^ 4:08 PM

reach home ard 10.30pm last nite bcoz of the stupid cip tingy...damn tiring de la...

durin the cip dunno y suddenly feelin very emo...sit one side...then start to tink how my life is screwed...nth ever go the way i wan it to...seriously i tink my poly life sux lor...it's nt the type of life i wan la...i m nt the type that can study one de ma...nw have to force myself to study n finish work that i dun like to do...these tings r really killin mi n i feel i m goin crazy le lor...n there is like more than 2 years more b4 i can graduate...i dun tink i can make it de lor

haiz...nw say so much oso no use liao la....i feel so screwed~~~~ 7:49 AM

juz reach home abt 1hr ago...coz was outside tryin very hard to complete my digital photography assignment...afternoon took cab wif sis to changi airport terminal 3...took so shots...then ate at Popeye...ok food was nt nice n price is very ex then took train to raffles place

durin the night shot...was damn scary la...went to take pics of the asian civilisation museum n the victoria theatre...dunno y the museum look like a haunted mansion to mi...n the victoria theatre there was damn dark n quiet la...i tot nobody there suddenly saw so figure moving...then i walk close then saw some gothic lookin ppl there...so freak out sia...i juz took a few shots then quickly go away liao...

after that went into esplanade to take some interior shots....then have dinner(or rather supper) at xin wang hong kong cafe...shared a bowl of porridge wif my sis then have our desserts...forgt wat they r called...then on the way to take cab...dunno which brainless human spit the chewin gum on the ground n i was suay enuff to step on it...lol...wish i wont b that suay for the rest of this term...

upcomin week may b a very tiring week....quizes, cip, reports, datasheets, all r pilin up...haiz...feel like cryin...but oso no use...off to mug liao...bb 1:32 AM

ok...ytd was a very rushin day...afternoon went for the CIP tingy at serangoon cc...met my classmates at toa payoh then went there tgt....erm the rehearsal is abit lame ba i tink...but nvm

then after that took mrt n rush to pasir ris...then took the bus 403 to pasir ris park for my sec class BBQ...hehe was very late...play frisbee wif them...then took some grp photos...1st time since enterin poly i feel a moment of happiness...

we left at ard 10pm to take bus back to the pasir ris interchange then i took mrt wif kelvin n some girls back home...sumting happened along the journey n i felt very paiseh...but haha its ok de...wished for another gatherin soon coz went late so did nt manage to c some ppl n a few cant make it...haha

ok...off to prepare for next week de chem quiz le... 10:37 AM

haha...today was a interestin day...such coincidence...2 of guy frens wore blue n red shirts n i very qiao wore a green shirt....n so we were labelled the powerpuff girls of the day...so lame rite...but nvm la

sian...cant really concentrate on my studies nw...ok i was nv really serious abt studies x.x...but quizes n tests r round the corners...although the term is endin soon...i m very tired how tings go in my life...sometimes i wonder....even if i manage to pass this term...can i make it pass next year, or even until i graduated from this sch?

damn...digital photography assignment nt yet finished...n stupid sch gt a module call character developement where u nid to do CIP to pass the module...n the module cause mi to go for my sec sch bbq gatherin late...haiz

no point grumblin nw...off to finish a report due ltr...bye... 2:16 AM

ok juz a quick post b4 goin sch...juz receive 2 major assignments...on mon made the pasta sauce but dunno wat ting went wrong my pasta sauce turn out to b damn diluted lol...but funny ting is when doin testin...5 plates out of 7 plates de pasta sauce ppl say r sour...but dunno y i tasted the 5 plates n i taste all sweet sweet de leh...lol how to write the report like that

sumting very qiao happen...but shall nt talk abt it ba

4 more weeks to mid sem test...GG liao...i noe nuts abt the modules...haiz c my frens like all pro...haiz nvm...

gtg for sch liao...stupid wed 1 hr lesson again...waste of my time...bb 10:20 AM

some vids that i found after 'o' lvl...yay long time ago

3:37 PM

rooftop dance in 'High School Musical 3'

2:40 PM

3 weeks officially passed since sem 2...n so far this week was the worse for mi...dunno y so short week still so tired...oso stressed liao...haven completed my photography assignment...somemore still gt other ting that stress mi out la...dunno how to put it oso...have been bothered by this stupid ting for mths liao leh x.x

there's this gal in cls that started laugh n talk to mi then treat mi tibits last sem...everyting seems fine then until ppl started gossip abt us...started sayin abt us...so of coz i say i dun like her...but everyting was still fine then...but suddenly one mth ltr she ignore mi totally until nw...even if i talk to her she oso dun wan to reply....n the worst is this sem gt 2 prac is grp wif her de leh...haiz...is it really my fault? so i shld juz shut my damn mouth?

anw watched 'High School Musical 3' on wed wif my sis, was still ok, songs were really nice...the scene when vanessa n zac danced on the rooftop was perfect x.x...but the movie oso dun seem to cheer mi up one bit...

4A having BBQ next sat...n 2 prac comin up next week( one is makin pasta sauce)...so it will b a rather kns week ahead...that's all 5:23 AM

i'm ZHAOXUAN! in SP DFST


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